I Left My Classroom

Yes, you read that correctly. Yesterday, I closed out the schoolyear, packed my things, and left my classroom. I will not be returning for the fall semester. It feels like the start of a wild ride, though not misguided.

This year, I completed my 11th year teaching art fulltime. In those eleven years, I spent:

• Five years teaching art and tutoring at a Boys & Girls Club
• Three years teaching high school art at a charter school program
• Eight years teaching elementary art in a public district
• Six years in neighborhood school programs
• Two years in choice/laboratory programs
• Three years working with self-contained, emotionally disabled students
• Two years completing my master’s degree in Special Education (while still teaching)
• Nine years running arts and robotics clubs, and other afterschool programs
• Six years coaching and providing professional development to other educators
• Two years teaching hybrid/virtually (because of COVID-19)
• Eight years LOVING my work
• Three years working harder to maintain joy
• Eleven years in urban education
• Eleven years building amazing relationships with people I will never forgot

There are many things that could be added to this list, such as teaching duties, supporting math and literacy instruction, and building family and community partnerships everywhere I went. The outcome remains the same. I have gained a lifetime of experience in just over a decade. That makes the difficult decision I made to leave my classroom this year even more daunting. I have no idea what to expect!

Here’s Why I Left My Classroom

When people ask me why I chose to leave, it is impossible to give a straight answer. There are so many factors contributing to this decision, and that conversation could go on for hours as I break down the impact of my abundant experiences in and outside of my classroom. Read on to learn about my top three reasons to walk away from fulltime teaching.

1. Administrators Listening, But Not Really

I taught in the same urban school district for eight years, in three different school programs, under four different principals. The school program nearest and dearest to my heart was eliminated when the district decided to go in a different direction. Over time I began to recognize a cycle. When things are going well, the district makes a change. When things are not going so well, administrators become defensive and the problems are perpetuated. Going through this cycle the first time nearly destroyed all of my professional confidence. The second time around, I saw what was coming and was able to take measures to protect my mental and emotional well-being, and protect my family. One thing that stood out this time was that my administrators were listening, but not really.

One of the biggest components of the negative education cycle is lack of support from administrators. This lack of support doesn’t always look the same. I have had amazing supervisors who celebrated my programs and accomplishments, encouraged me to do more professionally, backed me up when I held students to high standards, and even sat in my classroom to make art with the students! I have also had administrators who argued the consequences given in my classroom, could care less about the opportunities I provided to students, or made hurtful and discouraging comments when I asked for help. One principal did not like the way I taught, but also would not voice what she actually wanted to see from me. Others have lost my trust gradually, when they listen to what I have to say, but then I realize they are not REALLY listening.

“That’s an interesting thought.”

I heard this phrase a few too many times this past year. What it really means is, “I want you to feel heard, but I disagree.” It is absolutely ok to disagree! We all educate a little bit differently, but honesty matters in having those productive conversations and working as a team. It took me months to realize that my thoughts and concerns were being brushed off. Once I did, I began to lose my fight. Teaching is HARD WORK. If I am not supported in addressing to change the challenges in my classroom, then it is difficult to want to stay. Why would I choose to stick around and watch it all fall apart? Sorry, Dido–I won’t go down with this ship.

I would like to give my administrator the benefit of the doubt. I know that their job is REALLY HARD too. Many times their decision making is controlled by the district and numerous laws that impact education. My most recent supervisors did many things incredibly well and I believe they do have great intentions. I hope that they too will have the confidence to recognize and challenge unrealistic and unreasonable policies. The fact of the matter is, I am not alone. When a specialist was sent to my classroom this year to support behavior change, she told me “It’s not you. It’s the kids.” If that isn’t evidence of problems beyond my control, I don’t know what is.

2. I left my classroom to find my village.

I am a big believer in “it takes a village.” Schools, families, and communities should work together to raise up our children! This is where many of my strengths lie. I love hosting family events and working alongside school partners to bring exciting programs and experiences to my students. Somewhere over the past few years, I lost this sense of community. This was the first concern I spoke about with my supervisor. A lot of pressure was put on teachers to connect with one another and connect with students, but I don’t believe that is where the gap lies. I have many amazing friendships with my co-workers. I want to see more collaboration and community!

Unfortunately, I began working at my most recent school during the COVID-19 shutdown. We were distanced from our students and their families. In three years time, I only met a handful of families. Community partnerships were also difficult to come by. When I was able to make connections, numerous unspoken policies would emerge to hinder collaboration and relationship building. After years of working closely with other school communities, this year I felt a significant void. It wasn’t a single individual, or even a few, that was letting our school down. I really can’t pinpoint the breakdown in the community, but it was definitely broken. After multiple attempts (and a few successes) to bring people together, I realized I can use my strengths in other ways. I left my classroom knowing that my gifts have value beyond the school system.

3. I left my classroom for my family.

When things get tough, it’s easy to get burnt out. I definitely felt the onset of burnout this school year. The amount of time and energy required just to survive (or so it felt) was tremendous. Unfortunately, that left too little time and energy for my young family.

I have the most amazing support system! When my oldest was born, my mother immediately requested to be our fulltime childcare. She does an incredible job, and the girls love to be with her! I can only imagine that, without her help, I would have left my classroom four years ago. The same can be said for the support of other family members and friends who have stepped up to help as needed. My husband has prepared most of our dinners in recent years, to make sure that we eat at a reasonable hour. I’m glad he doesn’t mind, because his meals are delicious!

Still, even on our best days when the routines work and everyone seems happy, I feel God’s pull on my heart. I need to be more present. You see, my husband and two daughters need me. The girls will only be this little once. And when I feel like I’m failing at work, I know that I am also failing at home. The same holds true vice versa. If things aren’t aligned at home, it becomes incredibly difficult to love my students the ways they need as well.

I’m leaving my classroom, but not leaving teaching.

Making the choice to leave this year was HARD. This really hit home when I watched one of my favorite classes in the district get promoted from 8th grade to high school. I taught that group for five years, beginning their 1st grade year. They were not my students anymore, but it was still so difficult to walk out of that building again, saying goodbye to the students and their families AGAIN. I cried all night. It’s also hard to answer questions from students like, “Why are you leaving?” and “When will you come back?” I love teaching, and I love them!

It is just as hard to leave the adults in my teaching environment. The other teachers and staff in the school are my friends, my comrades, and at times, my sanity. We have all depended on one another and genuinely enjoy being together. To leave my classroom meant leaving them. Plus, there are professional and social expectations that leave me feeling like I may have actually failed as a teacher or let my school down. But I know that isn’t true. Teaching is one of my God-given gifts! I love teaching and will continue to teach in one way or another, no matter where I go from here.

I haven’t failed. I’ve been blessed with another path on the journey!

The Lord made my path clear as day (though it’s not yet fully revealed). I spent the entire spring semester looking for other options, teaching or not, to provide some type of alternate income. Many options, too many options, presented themselves. One administrator offered me a position without an interview, and I quickly had to make decisions about what I was really looking for.

I prayed over my first offer for a week, feeling just as eager to take it as I was disinterested in that option. I had no idea what to do! At the end of that week, I simply couldn’t accept. I also couldn’t really explain why. I just felt that God had something else in store for me. After declining that position, I turned down two more. I was passed up for a promotion and a fulltime position in another district, even after some of the best interviews I have ever had. A new solution came along and it became so clear that God’s timing truly is perfect.

I’m not done teaching! Here’s what I’ll be doing instead.

This summer I’ll be investing time in my family, but will also teach a few workshops and host youth art camps at ArtJack Creative Studio. You can register for any of these programs in my shop. Then the fall will bring a whole new set of experiences:

• Teaching art part-time (2 days a week) at a faith-based hybrid school: I will teach every grade level (which I’m really exited about) and have more time and mental/emotional capacity for my family.
• Loving on and teaching my own children while we are together: This is where the Lord is truly blessing our family!
• Teaching artists of all ages: My workshops will continue through the academic year. I’ll also be hosting art parties (COMING SOON) and sharing more digital content for my followers! Stay connected to find ways to engage in this creative journey.

Although I left my classroom and fulltime teaching, this teacher isn’t finished yet. I am thrilled to be on this journey and share it with all of you!

Sayonara to another school year!